By Kathi Pelton
Have you ever been in the midst of God launching you into new and amazing things and suddenly you are hit with the reality of your own weakness so strong that it knocks you to your knees? That is my life currently.
It’s not a bad place because it increases dependency, breaks boundaries that you didn’t know you had and humbles you to enter into the new place in a posture of being bowed down and transformed.
Each time that the Lord has brought me into something new it has required a new level of faith and trust. Of course it is such an honor to be chosen, to be called, to be asked to “go for Him”…but it requires not only my “yes” but my surrender, my death to self and the severing of any dependency on my “gifting.”
The other day I found myself in one of those “knock you to your knees” moments. Suddenly I felt as though I ran full force into a brick wall. It hit so hard that I began weeping. I asked the Lord, “What was that?” His answer took me to my knees. He said, “It’s the comfort boundary that your ‘yes’ hit.”
Oh my heart! I was immediately undone. I am keenly aware of my propensity to deeply desire comfort, traditions, the familiar and a “picket fence” life. This is probably why God keeps me from a life of human comforts; He is jealous for my heart. But in this particular moment I realized that my faith had a comfort boundary or picket fence that looked like “great faith” to the outsider but still created a limited habitation for my God that my transition had hit.
Creating a boundary wasn’t a conscious decision but when I became aware of it I also was immediately aware of every lingering insecurity, weakness and fear that existed beyond the boundary I had set. I felt cripple and it crumbled me to the ground all day long. It wasn’t condemnation but rather a dismantling of securities that are not founded in Him.
As I looked at these weaknesses and these limitations I could only weep. Then I bundled them up and carried them to the feet of Jesus. As I laid them before Him I could only bow low before my humble King. I presented my pain, my fears, my desires for the “safe road”, my weaknesses and then asked Him to be King over them.
Suddenly I was filled with strength that was so sovereign that it reminded me of when Daniel was in the presence of the Angel of the Lord and it took him to his knees,
“Then the one who looked like a man touched me again, and I felt my strength returning.” Daniel 10:18
My strength returned and I was able to get up. Then I was given courage to move beyond the familiar boundaries that my soul had erected. I felt courage imparted to me, His love filled me and His goodness carried me beyond what I had known.
Human weakness is merely the fertile soil for the strength of Christ to be made known and displayed. Throughout my life there have been key seasons where God has prepared to go beyond where I am comfortable and each time it is as if the Lord has bought a field just beyond what I’ve known and invites me to expand my boundaries to be planted there. It is usually a field that is untouched and needs great work before it can receive seed.
When I say yes this becomes the field where I my life is once again tilled, weeds are pulled (roots of weeds are removed), stones are removed, hard ground is softened and fertilizer is added. It’s a messy process and I long for the fruit of the familiar field behind me. But this process prepares me to bear new fruit and to know Him in greater ways; and to trust Him more.
If you are in the grip of the crippling reality of your personal weakness, then allow yourself to fall at His feet. Bring all of your lack, your fears, your pain and your insecurities and place them at His feet. He can turn anything into an offering of praise. Watch as He turns the broken pieces into beauty and the weakened places into strength and courage. Christ in you will become your strength and your song. You will find yourself moving beyond the boundaries that you have known and dancing on the heads of giants that mocked the “God in you!”
It’s okay to cry, to feel weakness and to be afraid…but you must not stop there! You must fall at His feet and present even what doesn’t seem beautiful to you. He makes all things presented to Him beautiful.
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
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