Oceans in the Desert

By Kathi Pelton

Someone recently asked me about how I handled a past situation that included someone who had hurt me deeply that was to attend a significant and important event in my life.

My answer was short (but not simple)— I said, “FORGIVENESS!”

I don’t know if that was the answer that they hoped to hear but it was the true answer.

Again, it was a short but not so simple answer because true forgiveness is not just a “Christian statement” but a heart decision and requires the help of the Holy Spirit to obtain. It may begin with a statement of forgiveness to the Lord in prayer, but God wants to truly free us from allowing a bitter root from forming (which unforgiveness will quickly form). His mercy will reach beyond a statement of forgiveness to the place where our hearts are freed from the offense and healed from the wound.

In deeply painful situations, such as betrayal by someone who is supposed to be family, it is hard to know how to find your way to forgiveness. Some of the worst betrayals can span years and too many situations to forgive each one independently.

For me, the key to finding forgiveness for both single offenses and long time betrayals was to look at what Jesus did for me.

Before I came to the point of surrendering my life to Jesus (and receive his forgiveness for my debts), I cannot count how many times I sinned against him or betrayed those around me (and I surrendered my life to him at only 18 years old!). But, Christ took all of my sin and debt upon himself and paid the price for me. He not only forgave me but took upon himself the full weight of the penalty of my sin. By 18 years old I had cheated, lied, stolen, violated trust, and much more. Yet, the first words my heart ever heard the Lord speak to me were these,

“Kathi, I see no shame upon you.”

He took my shame and clothed me in his righteousness. What a beautiful exchange. His grace and mercy set me free from the penalty of my sin and forgiveness set me free from the sins done against me.

If Christ did that for me— how could I not extend that to someone who sinned against me?

You may be thinking now, “But they didn’t ask for forgiveness!”

Remember, Jesus paid your penalty before you asked! He was just waiting for you to accept it. I am not making light of what you’ve been through or how deeply your life had been impacted by those who violated your heart— but for me, remembering that Jesus paid my penalty was the key to my personal freedom.

Please believe me when I say that if you knew my testimony you would understand that I know what it feels like to be violated and to have my life deeply affected by things that happened to me that were not in my control. But unforgiveness only sought to keep me a victim, a prisoner and to posture me as a “repeat offender.” I had to find forgiveness for the sake of my heart, my future and for my children.

“But instead be kind and affectionate toward one another. Has God graciously forgiven you? Then graciously forgive one another in the depths of Christ’s love.” Ephesians 4:32 TPT

The Lord showed me both kindness and affection through offering me forgiveness— undeserved mercy and grace! So, forgiveness is not for only those who ask for it or deserve it— it’s for all who have sinned and fallen short. And as believers in Jesus, forgiveness is freedom from living as a victim. It is how we overcome!

The reality is that even after decades of walking with Jesus, I still sin. I still fall short and I am sure that I still hurt people, though I do not want to. My humanity still wrestles against God’s ways and truth far too often. But he continues to forgive and offers me mercies anew every morning.

If you are having a hard time finding the path to forgiveness— especially if the offender is still sinning against you— then ask the Holy Spirit to lead you on the path that will set you free. He is so amazing at showing compassion towards you and still dealing with offenses in your hearts. He will take you by the hand and step by step walk you into freedom.

REMEMBER: There is freedom in forgiveness!

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I pray for every person and family that sows a seed into this ministry.

I sow back to you in prayer!