Yesterday, our global family (Watchmen For The Nations and Revive Israel), had a Shavuot online gathering. During that time David Demian asked me to share a vision that I had recently had. Since then a number of people have asked for a written version of the vision so I will share it here for those asking.
Vision of the Ash Heap
As I was praying I was taken into a vision where I saw a large and deep pile of ashes. The enemy and his demons where looking upon this ash heap and celebrating with a sense of great victory. They were laughing at what they had accomplished and mocking God— for it appeared that the enemy’s plans had reduced everything to ashes.
These ashes were not like those found in a fireplace or fire pit but rather like the very fine and sifted ashes that remain after a death and cremation. No substance remained that could ignite. I could feel the presence of people all around the world viewing these ashes and the grief was so deep that it took my breath away. How could anything good come of this because it was as if nothing remain but death and ashes.
Then, suddenly the hand of the Lord came and he began to dig deep within the ashes. I wondered what he was looking for because every layer was just more ashes. But finally, I looked and saw that very deep under this heap of ashes the Lord had revealed many glowing embers. The Lord smiled as he looked upon them and I knew by revelation that no amount of ashes could have snuffed these embers out— for they were the prayers of the saints. He had protected these embers and allowed them to be hidden for such a time as this.
He then began to blow upon the embers (prayers). As his breath touched the embers, they began to glow a very bright amber color and his holy presence touched them and they suddenly ignited into a great fire. Then, out of the ashes a golden crown and scepter arose and as it did, in a moment, the ashes blew away as a sudden burst as his love brought a heavenly oxygen to the fire.
This scene immediately reminded me of fire falling upon the altar in the showdown between the prophets of Baal and Elijah. It was an impossible “set up”— wet wood surrounded by water— and yet when God touched it, his fire fell and consumed it!
How could God ignite a fire upon ashes or resurrect that which has died and been reduced to fine ashes? But suddenly he will come with his hand to reveal the embers of prayers and he will breathe life upon these hidden embers. His crown of dominion and scepter of authority will be revealed and the ashes will be no more.
We will see a “BEAUTY FOR ASHES ACT OF GOD.”
“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.” Isaiah 61:3
On 5/5 I felt such a shift in the Spirit from many being “under the weight of burdens” to being lifted above the weight, regaining perspective and having their faith suddenly arise!
I woke up many times that night with a great confidence in God and in the prayers of the saints being answered— even a renewed joy as burdens lifted. I saw that many were going from a defensive posture to an offensive posture…moving ahead of their enemy rather than being pursued by him— which was creating exhaustion (this was confirmed through a phone call the next day).
The focus is changing and shifting from what the enemy is doing to what God is doing and how we can partner with him in victory! Your eyes will see what is “yet to be” as if it already is and that will cause you great joy and thanksgiving. A sure and absolute confidence will replace the weariness of hearing all of the bad reports.
I see many having a spiritual party before the manifestation of the breakthrough because you are so confident that IT WILL HAPPEN! Where it looks as though the enemy has rerouted you to a place of defeat and a “Valley of Trouble”— suddenly he will be rerouted to defeat as God overtakes his plans. A door of hope is opening before you and victory is just over the threshold of this door that stands before you.
Wisdom, knowledge and divine understanding will come to align you with success and victory. Wrong mindsets are being broken and you are being prepared to prosper in ways that you have not known. Your desert will bloom with life and fruitfulness. It seems impossible in this financial, physical and spiritual climate but God loves to do the impossible when faith arises and his people stand in unshakable and confident assurance of his faithfulness.
Your faith is being strengthened and your spirit is being awakened. A supernatural joy is coming that will astonish you because of all that is happening in the natural realm. This joy will be contagious and bring many of the lonely and depressed to the knowledge of Jesus and his saving grace. The joy of the saints will be far more contagious then any virus known to man. This joy cannot be masked and cannot be contained. This joy carries the seed of the miraculous and the faith that moves mountains.
Something is shifting and moving here in May! Depression is breaking, sorrows are fleeing, hope is arising and life will come in the place of loss.
This will be the Psalm sung by many in the days and months to come. For it is God who turns our mourning into dancing!
“I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up and have not let my foes rejoice over me. O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me. O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol; you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit. Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name. For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. As for me, I said in my prosperity, “I shall never be moved.” By your favor, O Lord, you made my mountain stand strong; you hid your face; I was dismayed. To you, O Lord, I cry, and to the Lord I plead for mercy: “What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it tell of your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper!” You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!” Psalm 30:1-12
Some of you are so very weary right now. Jesus wants you to know how deep his compassion is toward you. He is with you right where you are with no expectations except for you to allow him to love you and give you rest.
Some of you are so very burdened right now. The weight of what you are carrying feels like if your strength fails that everything will fall to the ground and crumble. Jesus wants you to know how deep his compassion is for you. He is with you right where you are to remove the yoke and burden that you are carrying. He will trade it for his yoke which is merely to trust him for all you need and all that you are carrying.
““Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”” Matthew 11:28-30
The Father is so gentle with you! His Son is the fullness of “humble in heart” toward you. He is inviting you to come into his arms and receive the rest that you so desperately need. He has healing for your heart, provision for all that you need, restoration for all that has hurt you and caused you to feel that you must carry this heavy burden.
He loves you so very much— he knows you intimately, every part of you— and yes, he still loves you— you take his breath away. He is pouring out the abundance of his love over you even now. Let go of the control (the yoke that has wearied you) and let your pain fall into his lap. He wants to carry you and refresh you in his love.
Receive his love. For he is gentle and humble in heart…
Thank you to all of my readers who have helped to carry our burdens through prayer and financial support. I have no words that are adequateto thank you properly.
We all know that hope and faith is only needed for “what we do not see.” It is what keeps us moving forward, it is what helps us overcome and it is the wind that carries us into tomorrow. As believers, our hope and faith are found first and foremost in Jesus. We hope in His promises and we have faith in His everlasting love that will never fail us. Hope and faith are both with us and before us through our beloved Savior— they give us vision in our “today” and “a vision” (that brings expectations of beauty) for our tomorrow.
Hope and faith are easy to access in times of joy and light. In those times we lay down at night bathed in the pleasures from the day lived and we wake up the next morning in a joyful hope for even greater pleasure in the day that lays before us. Yet, sorrow, grief and unexpected hard times can come and when they do it can feel like you’ve lost yourself in a dark wilderness. You wake up and wonder how to find the pleasures that you had just yesterday and the expectations of pleasures that you dreamed of for your tomorrow’s. This unexpected sorrow can come through many sources— loss, lack, hope deferred, crisis or even just the atmosphere around you. Suddenly, in the midst of hope and faith you can’t find vision and everything become disoriented.
January 1st, 2021 became the beginning of a time of disorientation for me. It began a fierce 24-hour a day battle in prayer for my younger brother’s life that lasted 21 days; then I watched his beautiful body was lowered into a grave. At the same time, many in our nation were grieving, others were losing loved ones and isolation was taking a toll on the younger generation. Being a “feeler”, these things can really touch your soul with deep emotions. I am also a “glass half full” person, therefore my hope and faith were not shaken but my soul suddenly became downcast and disoriented.
The other day I had an appointment with the eye doctor because my natural vision has become very blurry and disorienting (a bit like my emotional and spiritual vision). When the doctor was finding my prescription she commented that I must be having a difficult time with things because one of my eyes is extremely nearsighted and one of my eyes is extremely farsighted (this is unusual). I was quite surprised and assured her that it has made my vision quite challenging. When she found the right lenses for both of my eyes and let me look through them, it was like coming out of the disoriented place and finding clarity.
This natural condition began to speak to me regarding my spiritual condition. In the natural I have always enjoyed perfect vision in both eyes. I could actually see further than most people I knew. This has been true spiritually as well. As a “seer” my vision is one of the things that I enjoy the most. I love to see God, I love to see His perspective and I love the “unseen” realm. Honestly, it is often more clear to me than the natural realm. What joy this has brought to my walk with God! When my physical vision began to change it was hard but I always knew that there were glasses or remedies to clear my sight. Yet, when 2021 began and suddenly my spiritual sight had changed— a deep struggle came with it. I couldn’t see clearly close up or far way. For a seer to lose vision is devastating. I wondered if there was a remedy for this?
Then the Spirit began to talk to me about how I needed new sight for the new age. Just like I am dealing with “aging natural eyes”, I need new lenses for a new time and age. Things have shifted and I need a “stronger spiritual lenses” for these days. His eyes must be the lenses that I look through to have vision and clarity for today and for tomorrow. Hope and faith are the frames but His eyes are the lenses.
“For we walk by faith, not by sight,” 2 Corinthians 5:7
My faith has had to increase and my hope fully found in Christ alone; not governments, earthly freedoms, comforts or even the people around me. When I look into His eyes I see beyond the temporal and begin to grasp the eternal. There, I find the window to the eternal and I am comforted and strengthen. Through His eyes I am able to come to the realization that my brother and all who have “died in faith” see with absolutely clarity now. They no longer are searching, striving or stumbling but they have eyes that have beheld our eternal HOPE. There promise of a future and hope is fully realized!
I have begun to understand that we do not have to wait to begin to have the beautiful Holy Spirit adjust our eyes to behold Him or to see the eternal realm. Our eyes are being adjusted to see beyond the world around us, see beyond the chaos and see beyond the heights we have know in order to grasp the eternal. I am still going in and out of clarity but I am learning to focus on His eyes so that I adjust my vision to see as He sees.
It is easy to see what has changed in the world around us. Darkness has covered the world and we have begun to adjust our eyes to see pretty clearly in the dark…but God is adjusting our eyes to the LIGHT— the Light that is eternal!
Another interesting thing that happened with my natural eyes is that I was having a hard time with light. All light sources were causing what I’d call “light flares” which were once again distorting everything else. During my eye appointment, the doctor put a plastic object over my eyes with tiny pin holes in it. She asked me to find a pin hole and look through it to the letters on the chart across the room. As I did that I suddenly could see what was before me. All of the letters came into focus. It was like a beam of light that gave me a portal of focus. This can happen when eyes have astigmatism which is when the front surface of the eye or the lens, inside the eye, is curved differently in one direction than the other. I believe that God is clearing up an spiritual astigmatism that has caused us to have a divided focus. His eyes are like that pin hole— the narrow way that brings clear and undivided focus.
Hope and faith will be the pathway to find His eyes which will open up the eternal. Heaven will be opened up before us as the cares of this world fade into the background. I believe we also need to refocus our thoughts. Philippians 4:8 says this,
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
The media, even Christian media, often is highlighting the darkness and demonic agendas that are being established as laws throughout the world. Wars and rumors of war fill the air with fear and dread– replacing hope and faith for some. Yet, God has given us instructions on where to focus our thoughts. It is a beginning place that will lead us to His perspective and His eyes…which are windows into the eternal.
Do not fear if you have lost clarity or focus. Ask our precious Holy Spirit to be your spiritual optometrist that will correct your vision and adjust your sight for the days that we are living in and the true hope set before us— which is eternal and unshakable. Jesus has sealed our hope with His blood— giving us a secure faith.
“Because God wanted to show His unchangeable purpose even more clearly to the heirs of the promise, He guaranteed it with an oath, so that through two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to seize the hope set before us. We have this hope as an anchor for our lives, safe and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain. Jesus has entered there on our behalf as a forerunner, because He has become a high priest forever in the order of Melchizedek.” Hebrews 6:17-20
Turn your eyes upon Jesus!
We so appreciate those who stand with this ministry in prayer and financial support. Thank you from the depths of my heart.
Today could have been a real emotional train wreck. “Could have been” are the key words in this sentence. If you follow my writings or my page then you know that 2021 has been nothing short of painful and hard for me. I have wrote about how unfamiliar this place that I am in is to me. It is like a deep gorge that I unexpectedly fell into and now have to walk forward (while disoriented) until I come to the end of it. Then, to add a bit of a “spin” to my already disorienting senses, I received some news today that once again has the potential to change a big part of my life. In the first moments I began to feel sick inside and then I stopped and remembered the lessons from past moments that had the potential to steal my peace. I stopped and asked the Lord to help me and I heard His Spirit say,
“Remain in my love. I have surrounded you in my love today and my love will surround you every day to come.”
I suddenly realized that I was beginning to grieve something that hasn’t even happened yet. I was leaving today and concerning myself with tomorrow. Through all of life’s ebbs and flows there has always been a gift of grace given to me in the moment that I had to walk through a change or transition. When we remain in the moment that we are in, allowing the love that we are continually surrounded in to fill that space, there is peace and grace restored. Yet, when we move into the “yet to come” and the assumptions of what that will look and feel like, we get outside of God’s grace and timetable, forcing us to pull on our own strength and limited understanding.
I have hesitated writing during this season that is personally so difficult for me. The past five previous years have been “mostly” beautiful and writing from that place was a great joy. Writing from a vulnerable place and from this place of grief is hard and it risks misunderstanding by my readers. But, I felt that the Lord asked me to write through the pain and to learn deeper truths from the pain. This is not my first time in the “Valley of Baca” (Trouble) but it is yet another opportunity for me to apply all that I learned on the mountain tops and valleys of past seasons so that I can see Christ established in me all the more. My prayer is that my journey can help others.
If you are in a mountain top season; gather fruit, drink deep of the cool rivers of refreshing and listen to the voice that is clear. If you are in the hill country enjoy the grace of the abiding and steady growth. And if you are in the valley gorge let faith cause you to step forward into the unknown, let the clear voice that you heard on the mountaintop echo into your silence, let the testimonies of old prophesy to your hope– and get still enough to let His love envelope you. In every one of these places and seasons…above all else, REMAIN IN HIS LOVE.
His love is the one sure thing in every place and every season. No matter what lies ahead, His love will be there. No matter what is happening now, His love is with you. No matter what lies behind, His love covers it all. You can move forward as you are held tight in the grip of His everlasting love. His love will never fail you or leave you in want.
Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:4-5
Remain in His love and watch what beautiful fruit your life will produce in every season.
Have you ever gotten lost on a walk or on a drive? I remember when I was about 20 years old, my husband and I had just moved to Baton Rouge, Louisiana (where he was attending college) and I needed to go grocery shopping after a long day at work. It was dark and I didn’t know my way around the city (this was in the days before cell phones or GPS). I had gone to an area of the city that was unfamiliar to me to shop and when I was done I took a wrong turn (in a wrong direction) and suddenly was I was absolutely lost. I didn’t have any coins for a pay phone and honestly didn’t know who’d I call anyway since my husband was at a night class and I didn’t know anyone in the area.
As I drove, looking for anything even remotely familiar, I began to feel panic— would I ever find my way home. I wasn’t in the city limits anymore and couldn’t even find my way back to a populated area. I had gotten off the “beaten path” and was lost and scared. After over two hours of frantic driving I finally found a familiar landmark and my way back to the college. When I arrived I got out of the car and walked to where my young husband was waiting and when I saw him I just fell in his arms weeping— I had found home— in his arms.
2021 began a bit like this for me personally. It felt like I walked out onto my favorite path but somehow turned a wrong corner and ended up in an unfamiliar wilderness with no path, no way to communicate, no sense of direction and completely alone. Quite honestly, I was disoriented and felt a bit of that old “panic” that I’d experienced when I was lost as a 20 year old in a strange city. I just wanted to find my way home.
I began spiritually and emotionally trying to find something familiar or a sign that would lead me back to the path that I knew— the path home. I would go through each day with varying degrees of numbness, grief, longing, surrender, weeping, etc. Nights were the worst because even the beautiful “God dreams” that accompanied my sleep had become nights of bad dreams. I’d wake up even more disoriented.
Finally, I remembered the words that are told to most young children by their parents, “If you get lost, stay still and I will find you.” So, I stopped trying to find my way home— the way back to the intimacy and the “home” I’d known. I stopped and got very still, waiting for my Father to find me where I was (am).
“Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk. Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.” Psalm 131:2
I finally stopped long enough to remember that God has never left me or forsaken me— so I stopped looking for a way out of the wilderness and am now finding him in the wilderness. I am drinking of him and learning to “calm and quiet my soul” in his arms.
It is just like that 20 year old who found home in the arms of her young husband, I am finding home in the arms of God, even in this unfamiliar and strange place. There is not much else in this place but he is everything that I need. The verse that comes directly prior to Psalm 131:2 says this,
“LORD, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don’t concern myself with matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp.” Psalm 131:1
I think that I had begun to concern myself with matters too great and too awesome for me to grasp. They began to be like a “master” over me. I had to humble myself and become like a child. I had to get still and remember that, “He is God.”
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10
The matter of the nations had become to great for me to grasp. The matter of life and death was too awesome for me to fully comprehend and so God brought me into a wilderness place to show me “home.”
“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor (Valley of Trouble) a door of hope. There she will respond as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. “In that day,” declares the LORD, “you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master.’ Hosea 2:14-16
The wilderness does not “feel” good but as I have discovered a few other times in my life— this “Valley of Trouble” is usually a door of hope that restores my soul and ushers me into a place of greater abundance. But, we must embrace it rather than fight against it.
Running frantically when you have lost your way only gets you more lost. This is where we must stop, get still and know that he is God. He is with you in the wilderness and he will feed you, hold you, restore you and deliver you from every area that has become enslaved to false “masters.” This is where you find him as “husband.” This is where you run into his arms and find home. Then, you will hear this,
“Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?” Song of Solomon 8:5
I think that all too often we take on things that “are too great for us to grasp” and they enslave us to a weight and burden that becomes a master over us. When we’ve done all we can do, it is time to get still and stand (Ephesians 6:13). Stand in who he is and stand in the arms of the One that created all. The earth is his and all that is within it. He is God— our partnership with him is in the context of “bridal covenant” not “slave and master.” That is where the enemy loses his footing and love wins.
Stop running…stop striving…stop panicking! Home is with you— right where you are. He is always with you so be still and let him hold you until you are fully restored— leaning on your Beloved!
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“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:11
Now more than ever are we seeing so many believers in Yeshua experiencing what I would call a “crisis of faith.” This current crisis will do one of two thing; it will either usher those who wrestle to the point of surrender into a unshakable faith or some will abandon the faith by which they were saved. My constant prayer is that not one person would abandon their faith.
I believe God has allowed this crisis, not to hurt his people but to shake the shakable areas so that we can recognize them and yield them to the firm foundation of our God.
Most of the Christian church in America has had at least a moment of disillusionment, disbelief and even a spiritual crisis as 2021 has begun. Of course we do not know what tomorrow will hold but we do know who holds tomorrow. If these days of shaking or crisis have done anything for me (personally), it is to bring me into a greater surrender and dependency on who HE is rather then on how he does things.
Even the current “prophetic crisis” can turn eyes from the man (or woman) who has become known as a prophet to the One who created him. I sense a holy jealousy in the heart of God for a bride whose eyes are fully fixed on his. A bride who will put her faith and assurance in who he is more than what he does. A bride who doesn’t turn her face away when life doesn’t look like what she thought it would. A bride who has no other “lovers” but her beloved Jesus. This does not mean that we do not have prophets but that we do not elevate them to the point that they are exalted in any way.
So, maybe the question isn’t so much to be focused on if the prophets were right or wrong but rather it should be, “Who is the bride’s faith, loyalty and focus upon?” I am not saying that there is not to be accountability in the prophetic but there also needs to be a personal searching of individual’s hearts if their faith was more in a prophetic voice or a desired outcome than in Christ alone.
We have not seen tomorrow, therefore we do not know what is ahead or what only God can do. We know that, without a doubt, some details and timings were wrong but we do not need to loose faith in God or despair because those who see in part got parts wrong. As most of my readers know, I truly believed that the president would be re-elected and although I never prophesied a second term or a re-election by January 20th- I surely thought that it would happen and was not secretive about that. Does that cause me to loose faith? No, because my hope, assurance and faith is not in my thoughts or the way I believe something will play out, but my faith is in Christ alone.
During my brother’s illness with Covid during the month of January. Many people wrote to me and encouraged me with notes, prayers and even declarations that he would “live and not die.” Some even saw visions of his healing. Yet, on January 21st he died in the arms of his wife. Should I lose hope or judge those who sent me notes saying that they saw God healing him? Never!! God fully healed him and he entered into the fullness of joy that day. Their words were not wasted because they strengthened my soul through the day and night battle that we were in. In Christ, death has lost its sting and there is only victory.
I cannot tell you what is ahead for our nation, our world or even my life. I don’t know for sure if even greater crisis will come in 2021 or if a miraculous turnaround will suddenly appear. I tend to lean toward both being present simultaneously but both not looking anything like we’d expect. So what do we do? We put our faith in the absolute, unfailing love of our God! We surrender (let go of and repent for) every place of resistance, rebellion, idolatry, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, unholy justice, wrath and hatred. We stop pointing fingers at others for what we chose to believed and we fix our eyes on the One who is faithful and true. We humble ourselves before the Holy One and we join with heaven in declaring, “Worthy is the Lord!” He is sovereign and his dominion has no end. God has not been shaken— we have! Now we must put every shaken area upon the unshakable foundation of the Rock of Ages.
If you are in a crisis of faith then this is a gift to you so that you can cooperate with the Holy Spirit to shore up those areas of crisis and replace them with Christ. In the midst of my grief about our nation, the place that we live (in the Washington DC region), my brother’s death and so many more things— I have found that the one sure thing is JESUS! He is more than enough to believe in, hope in and put my full assurance in. He holds every answer in his hand and has not turned aside from any prayer of faith that was prayed or that will be prayed. His ways are higher and he is calling us to a higher place. A higher and purer faith. An unshakable faith.
Crisis can take you to the place of “Christ is…” Christ is absolutely faithful, absolutely holy, absolutely sovereign, absolutely beautiful, absolutely worthy, absolutely pure, absolutely powerful and absolute LOVE.
Let your crisis take you to this revelation,
“Then I saw heaven opened, and a white horse was standing there. Its rider was named Faithful and True, for he judges fairly and wages a righteous war. His eyes were like flames of fire, and on his head were many crowns. A name was written on him that no one understood except himself. He wore a robe dipped in blood, and his title was the Word of God.” Revelation 19:11-13
Grief is a quiet place that is filled with timeless memories, silent prayers and a stillness that only a few are invited into.
It’s an interesting place where “gifts” don’t seem to matter much and all the activities of normal life that filled my time now seem so unimportant. The veil between the temporal and the eternal becomes very thin in this place.
I don’t know if this is grief or just what God is doing right now but even my normal prayers fall short and all I want is to be totally surrendered. Silent surrender seems to be producing deep intercession— wordless but deep. I want to know Him as He is, I want to see His face and learn the intricate movements of His ways, I want to be like Him. Here in grief I find a deeper hunger for the truth of the words, “Be still and know that I am God.”
Rather than my confidence in Him wavering in this place of loss, it has shifted my confidence from what He will do, to a confidence in “Who He Is.” That is the ultimate victory. Understanding His sovereignty, gazing upon His beauty and pondering His eternal perspective consumes my thoughts and desires.
Some days I feel like a caterpillar going through a personal metamorphosis. It is hidden, quiet, still and yet change is happening in this place. Maybe the whole body of Christ is going through this and the grief of “what was” has become our cocoon? Maybe grief is a gift of grace to birth us into a new identity and new way of living? Maybe our tears are like the perfume that flowed out of the alabaster jar upon His feet.
I have always loved my family so deeply but in this place I only want to look into their faces and drink in the unique beauty God created them in. I want to sit next to my husband in silence and just know that he’s here with me. I want to embrace the people I love a little longer and honor others in a way that actually restores their souls.
I want to fully embrace the words, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” No more striving— no more want because I have everything I need in Him. There is nothing but Him that I can take with me when I leave this world so may He be my whole “want.”
I haven’t forgotten all that we did in 2020 to see our nation saved. It was beautiful and how honored I felt to be a part of it and to stand with nations that stood with us. When I asked my Heavenly Father about it, He just smiled with such a proud smile upon His face as He looked upon His faithful children. He will be exalted in the nations— that is the line that comes right after, “Be still and know that I am God.” We exalted Him and He received it all like a proud Papa. We danced, we repented, we wept and we shouted for joy…and it made Him smile— it wasn’t perfect but it made Him smile. My brother’s life wasn’t perfect but made Him smile— he knew he was perfectly loved. Your life makes Him smile and my “very imperfect” life makes Him smile. Perfect love looks good on us.
For me, 2020 was my year to learn the ways of “Be still and know that I am God” but 2021 has begun as a year to live what I’ve learned. I have become very still…maybe because of grief and maybe because of grace. Who He is has caused me to become still…HE IS GOD.